I have always had a pretty positive self image and have never had a problem with my physical appearance. I am not the skinniest girl and I am aware of that. Some of my best friends are really skinny and tiny and I guess I have just gotten used to the fact that I have a different body type from them. I think my success in tennis and school helped boost my self confidence thus I never felt bad about how I looked. Excelling in other arenas of my life made me believe in myself and my capabilities.
Tonight I went out with some friends after being MIA for so long. It was nice hanging out and catching up. However, I was quickly reminded why I have been choosing to stay home and surrounding myself with different company. We were talking about pointless things when one of my friends said to one if my girl friends, “hey, if l is 100 pounds, you must be 80 pounds.” Then he turned to me and said, “and don’t worry paige, you have a good personality…haha.” At first I was like, huh? Like…why did you have to include me in this? And I just kind of laughed along with it and I think my friend felt guilty so he said, “Oh sorry…I didn’t mean it like that…I just didn’t want you to feel left out.” I tried to just brush it off and not let it bother me. But on our ride home, all I could think about was that conversation. I replayed it in my head over and over and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he just felt awkward commenting about my two friends and not saying anything about me. And I really don’t think he was trying to say anything negative about me on purpose; maybe his words just came out wrong. But anyway I felt a little hurt; like I know I am not as skinny as my friends. I never have been, and I never will be. But for it to be pointed out in front of everyone (even though in a very subtle way) really did hurt. Maybe I have been feeling a little chubby lately because I have been so lazy and maybe I do secretly and subconsciously feel a little insecure in comparison to my tiny friends; I suppose it could be a combination of the two. But nonetheless, this minor comment has really gotten the wheels in my mind turning. I have two options here. I can take this whole thing in a negative way and hate my friend, not associate with these people, and feel bad for myself. Or, I can take the positives and work on eating healthier and working out more. I must often remind myself to remember one’s intention whenever I feel hurt about something. I honestly don’t think my friend was being malicious or trying to be hurtful. Although I may have been hurt by his words and by the way the conversation went, I am choosing to “T.I.P” it. Haha, my dad created this acronym “T.I.P it” meaning “Turn It Into a Positive.” It is something I live by and something that has helped me grow and learn in so many ways.
I will try to remember how I am feeling right at this moment and how I felt earlier tonight. It is a great reminder to keep fighting and to work hard, no matter how badly I want to give up or take a day off. I have set some personal goals and I believe tonight was a great eye-opener and am grateful it happened.
the number(s) on the scale does not say anything about who you are as an individual. it does not represent your contribution to society nor does it have any indication of your potential and capabilities in life. so screw it…don’t let that number determine your mood, your outlook on life, or your self esteem. keep being awesome. keep being you.
Who do you trust?